It was another one of those dark and rainy nights.
Water droplets born from the clouds started kissing the Earth gently at first, and then more passionately, and finally the force was so much that the kiss morphed into a tormenting, piercing pounding.
In the eeriness and the sepulchral silence of the graveyard where soulless corpses took refuge, stood a man, the rain bouncing savagely off his black umbrella. Cold lines cut across his face, hardening his visage; but the coldness of his heart far surpassed the coldness on his face.
He looked grimly at a singular line of graves, all identical save for the numbers engraved on them. They bore no epitaphs or announcements like ‘Here lies…’ On the tombstones were just engraved a number, and a date. There will be just one more tombstone, and after that I’m done, Zephyr told himself.
He looked at the long line of identical tombstones – the people he had killed. He never cared who they were, what they did, if they had kids; it was his job to kill, and it was something within him which told him to bury them; No names, no status, no discrimination; all those meaningless entities perish with the person and they were all buried together in the same soil, subject to the same maggots, and ultimately crumbled to the same dust. Death was the inevitable unison which bridged everyone irrespective of anything.
Zephyr had only one person left to kill, and it only made things easier that he hated that person. All his deaths had been for the living, for the job; his last kill was for himself, because hate was consuming him and he could bear with it no longer. He had tried to relate to this person throughout his meaningless existence, to seek refuge, to understand what he was all about, but he could never figure out. Whenever this person stood in the graveyard of soulless corpses, Zephyr always thought that this person didn’t have a soul either and that the only difference was that this person was a walking corpse.
There had never been another side to this guy except the killer side; there was only cold calculation, colder feelings and of course, the coldest heart.
The rain was now ceasing its relentlessness; Zephyr shook the raindrops off his umbrella and with haste in his strides, reached the undertaker who had been doing the business of engraving the tombstones of Zephyr’s victims.
“This is your 110th, Mr. Z” Stated the Undertaker.
“The next one will be my last one.”
The undertaker was not precisely happy to hear this, because the business of burying murdered people and keeping the whole thing under wraps was an extremely productive business. But the whole foundation on which he had been given the contract was the usual ‘no questions asked, none answered’ one, but now since the contract was going to terminate, the undertaker could take it no longer.
“Who were all those people you killed?” He queried.
Zephyr too, had no obligations anymore as this was going to be his ultimate assignment. He took off his coat, pulled up a rusted chair, and nonchalantly lit a cigarette. The undertaker looked at the cold angles on Zephyr’s face and shuddered. The whole room was dimly lit by a few dull bulbs; Zephyr wondered - was this because the nature of the undertaker’s job was like that or was it because he didn’t want to see how weepy or ugly his clients were when they were grieving someone who died; but then, you can’t exactly expect freaking colorful neon lights on the display at an undertaker’s.
“I killed them because I was asked to, and the dough was good. I am as clueless as you are about their identities. It was just look at this picture, go kill him, take your money, shut your fucking mouth and get the fuck outta here.”
“Why did you do it? You would’ve annihilated so many families and you would’ve destroyed a large number of people who could’ve made a great difference.”
“What’s done is done” stated Zephyr, taking a contemplative puff at his burning cigarette.
“Now how come you’re stopping?”
“Well, you’ve been my only friend and you’ll soon find out.” And with an air of enigma about him, Zephyr turned to leave. As he shut the door behind him, the undertaker wondered- I didn’t even know him and he says I’m his only friend. What a sad ass life he must lead.
Perspiration drenched his palm as he clutched his faithful GP-100 Ruger Magnum pistol. For the first time, his heart was throbbing and adrenaline was pumping as he cocked his gun. He could see his last victim in front of him; Hate bubbled up inside him and threatened to cause an unprecedented internal explosion. This had been the advantage of not knowing any of his other victims. They were just meaningless faces and there were no connecting roots. Here the roots ran so deep; they were welded together and nearly indistinguishable.
His last victim- Victim Number 111. A nice note to end it on, he thought. He messaged his undertaker – Collect it at the usual place.
Zephyr saw his last victim for the last time, and pulled the trigger.
The undertaker went to the usual place and saw the victim; in front of him was a mirror.
The undertaker buried the last victim in that sepulchral row of graves. The only difference was, this tombstone read differently –
Here lies Zephyr, the man responsible for this entire row of graves including his own.
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
Toad Wars
A vivid flashback:
It was the beginning. In a land far removed from the concept of sane distances (let us call this land oh-so-crappily-far) there lay a hill. This particular hill took upon itself the task of populating itself with some repulsive creatures. On introspection and countless years of pondering (because mountains are nearly incapable of thought) the hill decided that it should populate itself with slimy and revolting toads. To control the toad population snakes were invited and given homage. On the hill’s peak stood Gpaparibbit, the founder of the Hill’s toad race. He thrust onto his child toads the ultimate commandment of the toads –
“THOU SHALT SCARE THE PANTS OFF HUMANS.”
It was at this time that the Creator looked down upon the toad, and was shocked; he was bamboozled. Seeing the creator in this state, the Earth trembled and thus came into being the concept of Earthquakes.
The creator realized that the commandment of the toad involved two new concepts, namely pants and humans, without which the entire life of a toad would become meaningless. It was at this point in history when the Creator decided to create humans, and because he was the pinnacle of intelligence, he later made the humans themselves invent pants.
And thus, due to Gpaparibbit the toad were born the concepts of Earthquakes, pants, and more importantly, the human race.
Present day:
Rechristen Oh-so-crappily-far to ‘Chettipuniyam’. GPaparibbit’s descendants had acquired various superpowers and had now completely evolved into the abhorrent creatures which star in B-grade horror movies. A check list of the revolting characteristics –
- Slime covered skin, color of which is sure to trigger off alarm bells in the ‘fear’ centers of the brain – Check!
- Vile appearance and viler activities like sticking head into unwanted places such as dog’s ass – Check!
- Superpowers like super-jumping, human-scaring, head-dropping, acidic-peeing, and hideous-smelling—
Check!
Now after checking in the various parameters of these gruesome creatures, let us move on to the point in our story where a group of professionals working at a software company (supposedly- but in fact, secretly writing a code for hegemonic world domination by re-routing all the world’s satellites and reprogramming everyone to be jobless)
The ageless hill observed the entry of these professionals; it was a long time since the hill had had any fun; it rubbed its giant earthy and forest-covered arms in anticipation, thereby causing a tremor to materialize. It called upon the legions of repulsiveness to awaken from its deepest depths, and directed the legions to the home of the unsuspecting professionals.
2 days later
The naïve individual known as VBK entered the toilet. This particular place was not furnished with even a bulb, as a result of which going to the toilet and finishing the intended job was quite burdensome – A torch had to be inserted between the teeth to provide a constant source of light. When VBK entered the toilet, his 7th sense (6th sense and all is an old school story – the 7th sense is the instinct of sensing a frog when it is about to pounce on you and make its slime stick to you) informed him quite strongly that mischief was afoot. As he shone the torch around, he spotted one.. No, two, Naaaa… THREE hideous creatures hiding in the darkness which had given them refuge. The toads looked at him menacingly, glaring with their beady eyes and exhibiting their throbbing throats. Horror gripped him and he ran out crying “Toad, TOAD!”
2 more days later
Gloves fashioned from polythene covers.
Helmet pilfered shamelessly from a friend.
Broom which had been acquired illegally from the man living upstairs when he was too busy contemplating how to convert frog infestations into a profitable business.
Dust-pan which was very reluctantly purchased from a shop 7 kms away.
If you thought VBK was going to wear all this gear on his joy-ride to the Asylum, think again. This gear is what makes him a true warrior, the soldier who fights against the minions of the hill – the toads.
The helmet was acquired because just a day before, VBK had entered the toilet, only to be viciously attacked by a slimy toad sticking to the ceiling; the result – Completely freaked out VBK jumping up and down shouting ‘Oh, CRAP!’ somewhat resembling a talking rat’s ass which has been recently doused with kerosene.
With the gear in place, VBK approached, where to his knowledge two mini-monsters were in hiding. VBK’s roommate, Agent Daniel, patted him on the shoulder and said, “I’ll take care of one, mate.” And went inside the realm of the battle, armed with the battle broom. Meanwhile, VBK was giving running commentary:
Daniel attempts to verbally intimidate the toad into vacating the place once and for all! No response. Possibly the toad does not comprehend English.
Daniel shines the torch light into the toad’s face and tries to blind it and then throw it outside!
Toad does not budge... Toad is holding his ground.
Toad’s move – he jumps in Daniel’s direction, but Daniel adeptly uses the toilet door as a shield and defends himself from the toad leap… Toad rebounds and hits the floor hard! Is he out? Nooooooo! Toad gets up again and gets ready to pounce.
Daniel is getting real pissed. He tries to shoo the toad out of the window, but to no avail. Toad simply wants to sink its miniature claws into Daniel and infest him with toad slime.
Now Daniel decides to go in for the kill.
*WHACK*
R.I.P Toad which caused unprecedented damage to the walls by emitting its acidic piss on it.
The first murder in the new home. The dead body of the toad lay there, awaiting further action with respect to its disposal. Daniel didn’t have any second thoughts; the evidence had to be disposed. In the manner of throwing a simple chocolate wrapper into the dustbin, Daniel disposed the body of the toad in the toilet bowl and flushed it down. VBK was the only witness to this gruesome event, and in some corner of his cowardly heart, which was conditioned by the worst horror movies ever, he was scared that the miniature soul of the toad would come back and haunt him forever.
As the toad wars continue unparalleled to any wars in history, the hill in the background is facing its first true foes; its first REAL challenge.
The battle awaits…
It was the beginning. In a land far removed from the concept of sane distances (let us call this land oh-so-crappily-far) there lay a hill. This particular hill took upon itself the task of populating itself with some repulsive creatures. On introspection and countless years of pondering (because mountains are nearly incapable of thought) the hill decided that it should populate itself with slimy and revolting toads. To control the toad population snakes were invited and given homage. On the hill’s peak stood Gpaparibbit, the founder of the Hill’s toad race. He thrust onto his child toads the ultimate commandment of the toads –
“THOU SHALT SCARE THE PANTS OFF HUMANS.”
It was at this time that the Creator looked down upon the toad, and was shocked; he was bamboozled. Seeing the creator in this state, the Earth trembled and thus came into being the concept of Earthquakes.
The creator realized that the commandment of the toad involved two new concepts, namely pants and humans, without which the entire life of a toad would become meaningless. It was at this point in history when the Creator decided to create humans, and because he was the pinnacle of intelligence, he later made the humans themselves invent pants.
And thus, due to Gpaparibbit the toad were born the concepts of Earthquakes, pants, and more importantly, the human race.
Present day:
Rechristen Oh-so-crappily-far to ‘Chettipuniyam’. GPaparibbit’s descendants had acquired various superpowers and had now completely evolved into the abhorrent creatures which star in B-grade horror movies. A check list of the revolting characteristics –
- Slime covered skin, color of which is sure to trigger off alarm bells in the ‘fear’ centers of the brain – Check!
- Vile appearance and viler activities like sticking head into unwanted places such as dog’s ass – Check!
- Superpowers like super-jumping, human-scaring, head-dropping, acidic-peeing, and hideous-smelling—
Check!
Now after checking in the various parameters of these gruesome creatures, let us move on to the point in our story where a group of professionals working at a software company (supposedly- but in fact, secretly writing a code for hegemonic world domination by re-routing all the world’s satellites and reprogramming everyone to be jobless)
The ageless hill observed the entry of these professionals; it was a long time since the hill had had any fun; it rubbed its giant earthy and forest-covered arms in anticipation, thereby causing a tremor to materialize. It called upon the legions of repulsiveness to awaken from its deepest depths, and directed the legions to the home of the unsuspecting professionals.
2 days later
The naïve individual known as VBK entered the toilet. This particular place was not furnished with even a bulb, as a result of which going to the toilet and finishing the intended job was quite burdensome – A torch had to be inserted between the teeth to provide a constant source of light. When VBK entered the toilet, his 7th sense (6th sense and all is an old school story – the 7th sense is the instinct of sensing a frog when it is about to pounce on you and make its slime stick to you) informed him quite strongly that mischief was afoot. As he shone the torch around, he spotted one.. No, two, Naaaa… THREE hideous creatures hiding in the darkness which had given them refuge. The toads looked at him menacingly, glaring with their beady eyes and exhibiting their throbbing throats. Horror gripped him and he ran out crying “Toad, TOAD!”
2 more days later
Gloves fashioned from polythene covers.
Helmet pilfered shamelessly from a friend.
Broom which had been acquired illegally from the man living upstairs when he was too busy contemplating how to convert frog infestations into a profitable business.
Dust-pan which was very reluctantly purchased from a shop 7 kms away.
If you thought VBK was going to wear all this gear on his joy-ride to the Asylum, think again. This gear is what makes him a true warrior, the soldier who fights against the minions of the hill – the toads.
The helmet was acquired because just a day before, VBK had entered the toilet, only to be viciously attacked by a slimy toad sticking to the ceiling; the result – Completely freaked out VBK jumping up and down shouting ‘Oh, CRAP!’ somewhat resembling a talking rat’s ass which has been recently doused with kerosene.
With the gear in place, VBK approached, where to his knowledge two mini-monsters were in hiding. VBK’s roommate, Agent Daniel, patted him on the shoulder and said, “I’ll take care of one, mate.” And went inside the realm of the battle, armed with the battle broom. Meanwhile, VBK was giving running commentary:
Daniel attempts to verbally intimidate the toad into vacating the place once and for all! No response. Possibly the toad does not comprehend English.
Daniel shines the torch light into the toad’s face and tries to blind it and then throw it outside!
Toad does not budge... Toad is holding his ground.
Toad’s move – he jumps in Daniel’s direction, but Daniel adeptly uses the toilet door as a shield and defends himself from the toad leap… Toad rebounds and hits the floor hard! Is he out? Nooooooo! Toad gets up again and gets ready to pounce.
Daniel is getting real pissed. He tries to shoo the toad out of the window, but to no avail. Toad simply wants to sink its miniature claws into Daniel and infest him with toad slime.
Now Daniel decides to go in for the kill.
*WHACK*
R.I.P Toad which caused unprecedented damage to the walls by emitting its acidic piss on it.
The first murder in the new home. The dead body of the toad lay there, awaiting further action with respect to its disposal. Daniel didn’t have any second thoughts; the evidence had to be disposed. In the manner of throwing a simple chocolate wrapper into the dustbin, Daniel disposed the body of the toad in the toilet bowl and flushed it down. VBK was the only witness to this gruesome event, and in some corner of his cowardly heart, which was conditioned by the worst horror movies ever, he was scared that the miniature soul of the toad would come back and haunt him forever.
As the toad wars continue unparalleled to any wars in history, the hill in the background is facing its first true foes; its first REAL challenge.
The battle awaits…
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